Sometimes I wonder if I am, in fact, one of the densest people alive. Really and truly.
But maybe this is just the lesson I need to learn right now.
Again and again, if I don’t do anything creative for longer than 3 days, I’m seriously cranky. The sad thing is, I then wonder why I’m cranky. Then once I start creating, I’m miraculously cheery. Then I inevitably remember that, Oh yeah, I haven’t created in a few days. That’s why I’m cranky!
Constantly creating is vital for my mental health and happiness. And yet, I’m constantly talking myself out of it.
I think I’m uncomfortable with my own happiness. I’m so jolly, so cheerful when I’m creating on a regular basis that it kind of freaks me out. I can’t possibly be allowed to be that happy, right?
Writing that, I know it’s ridiculous. Everyone’s allowed to be happy. But my own happiness makes me nervous. I think it’s the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sure I’m happy now, but what about tomorrow? Next week? Next year?
I’m usually so geared up waiting for the next disaster, that it’s hard for me to just relax and enjoy my own joy.
Learning to be present in the moment and not worry about the past or the future is one of the things that constantly challenges me. It’s also one of the motivations behind my art, particularly my landscapes.
For me, painting nature is an exercise in appreciating those still moments where you’re really present with life. It’s about paying attention to what’s around you in that brief moment and then (trying) to immortalize it in paint. Sometimes I manage it, sometimes I don’t. But slowly, one painting at a time, I’m training myself to be still.
We’re still raising money to send Hannah back to dance class. Here’s what’s been going on:
– We’ve raised over $500 in 4 days! We’re already halfway there thanks to your generosity. You have all been so wonderful with your support and well wishes and donations.
– We’ve got a post up on Edwards Magazine, so the word is spreading!
I’m hoping to raise the final $500 over the next week. My plan is to have it all raised by Sunday. I’m positive we can do it. And later on in the week, I’m going to post a message from Hannah, who is just so overcome with gratitude right now. She told me this morning that she wishes she had elastic arms that she could stretch to hug all of her supporters all over the world. This is why I love her.
If you’re moved to help, go read the post, tweet it, put it on Facebook and share it with your friends. Every little bit counts and the more we spread the word, the faster this will go!
Thank you so much again to everyone who has helped so far. You’re all wonderful.