Brave Enough

by

Fields at Chateau Villandry, 10"x12" oil on canvas, unframed, $275. © Sarah Marie Lacy, 2012

Fields at Chateau Villandry, 10"x12" oil on canvas, unframed, $275. © Sarah Marie Lacy, 2012

I leave for France a week today. (WHEEEE!))

In 6 days, I have to pay my second tuition payment for the year.

The first program is almost paid for, but now I have to pay for the second program.

I need another $5,400, to cover tuition, rent & food for at least the first few weeks.

If I can’t raise that, I can just about make it to the first program, but I won’t get to go to the second one.

There’s a lot on the line. And I’m terrified.

The parts of me that want to stay small are panicking – they think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, that I was stupid to book the extra painting trips when I can’t even pay for my tuition, that I’m a fool for trying to live my dream life.

That I’m an idiot for ever thinking I can do this. Y’know – believing that I can make a living as an artist and change even a tiny part of the world with my message.

My message of hope and dreams. The message that I believe in you, and I make art that is a symbol of that.

My message that it ain’t over till it’s over, and that you still get to live a glorious, fulfilled life, even if you get knocked down by the hard parts of life.

I believe in you, your dreams, your greatness. I know that you’re wonderful, that you can make a difference, that your soul is magnificent bed of flowers, blooming ever onward.

These things I know. These things I fiercely believe.

And I paint beautiful things for you because you deserve to be surrounded by objects that remind you of this. I paint your soul’s freedom.

I paint the places where your soul shines bright, unfettered by doubts and fears.

So this week, I am asking the powers that be for bravery.

I am asking that they grant me the strength to be the brave, confident, radiant woman I know that I am.

May they grant me the courage I need to shine my light and raise my hand and sell the art I need to sell to get to France.

May they grant me the grace and calm to act with dignity, not desperation; to act from love and not fear.

May they send me the support I need to become the woman I need to be.

Amen.