An experiment in boundaries

by

It’s been a while since I’ve written here. Things have been busy but more than anything, I’ve been struggling with boundaries and how I put myself out there, on here, Twitter and in general marketing.

I’ll be the first to admit it – I’m a sensitive person. I don’t like having people say nasty things to me, I don’t like being criticized or judged and I’m aware that I take those things personally. But then, most of us do.

I’ve ended up in a few situations lately where I felt misunderstood or unfairly judged, but the events themselves aren’t really the point. The point is that I noticed how much they affected me and how non-existent my boundaries were.

Let’s say that me is a house. I’m this cute little house, and I really love having people over for dinner and entertaining and socializing. The thing is, I never lock my doors. And I kind of let people waltz in whenever they want to and then offer to cook them dinner, even if it’s 3am.

See? No boundaries.

On the one hand, I am all over encouraging other people to have boundaries. I think boundaries for other people are great.

When it comes to myself though? I think if I have boundaries I’m being mean (I so get this from my mother). I couldn’t possibly turn people away, or god forbid, ask someone to treat me with respect. Or if someone refuses to treat me with respect to (gasp!) ask them to leave.

Ever watched the American version of The Office? I am Pam, through and through. Ironically, she’s even an artist. The parallels are so bad that when she decides to start standing up for herself, Jesse stares at me pointedly until I yell, “WHAT?!” even though I know perfectly well what.

I’m kind of considering it a life experiment – asking for what I want. Even if it’s something ridiculous like, I really would like a second cookie. Or I really would like to go to this restaurant and not that restaurant. Even just asking for a hug when I need one.

It’s hard though. And I know I’ve talked about this before and I’ll probably talk about it again. It’s ongoing process. So the next step in asking for what I want?

Introducing…

Some notes on comments

This is where I get to ask for the kind of comments I’d like to receive. I’m not especially picky actually, but I’m going to force myself to be specific for the sake of the experiment.

So what I’d like is to hear about you. Times you felt like this (or still feel like this). How you dealt with it. What helped you, what didn’t.

We’ve all got our stuff, we’re all working on our stuff. I know I am. It’s a process, ya know? I guess what I’m hedging towards asking is if you could refrain from judgments or “shoulds” of how I should have dealt with this by now, I’d really appreciate it.

Thanks for participating in my life experiment. I really love having you guys around.