There’s something I’d like to tell you – something I don’t often talk about, but now seem to have blazoned on the front page of my site:
I want to change the world.
I don’t talk about it often because it triggers all sorts of stuck – like the “Who do you think you are?” stuck and the “You’re ridiculous” stuck and the “No one cares about your stupid dream” stuck.
But it’s true. As cheesy as it sounds, I really do want to change the world. Not necessarily Gandhi-change-the-world, or Mother-Theresa-change-the-world.
Just little tiny changes of the world.
Maybe inspire a couple of people to follow the thing that they love. Maybe help a few people see that you don’t have to live the life others set out for you. Or that you don’t have to give up, even if it’s horrible and it sucks. That there is hope, that there are better things.
I’ve hit some pretty rocky bottoms in my life. I’ve come thisclose to ending things. Last year, I nearly gave up on my art career after some pretty hefty financial and emotional set backs.
I’ve had close encounters with my own darkness, the parts of yourself you hope no one else ever sees – jealousy, hatred, revenge, pettiness. Those small, mean, cruel parts of yourself that everyone has.
But one day, 4 years ago this week, I made a choice.
I decided not to give up. I decided to ignore everybody who said my life was over. I decided to share my story with others in the hope that it could give them hope. That some way, some how, my challenges, my outright failures, might help somebody else. Maybe it means that someone won’t go down that path. Maybe it means that someone on that path right now turns around.
I don’t know what it could mean, or who it might help. I can’t predict those things. But I need to share it. I need to share my story because this crazy part of me thinks that it’s important. That it’s meaningful.
And I paint because that’s part of my story. It’s my own particular life boat, but maybe yours is different – maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s basketball, maybe it’s marketing, maybe it’s film making. It doesn’t matter. You know what it is.
I paint because it’s the only way to express 95% of my story. What I want to share is the intangibles and I’m not good enough with words to do that purely in writing. I need to paint it, to show it. To show you what I believe in – that no matter what happens, no matter what trials you’re put through, somewhere, somehow your spirit is still dancing.
And I know that for a fact. We all forget it sometimes. I think I forget it on a daily basis still. But I paint to remind you of it. I paint to remind you that there is beauty even in the ugly.
I paint to connect with your soul.
Windmills, © Sarah Marie Lacy - 16"x20" acrylic on canvas, framed. $1100.00