Ughhhh, hungryyyy.

Welcome to Day 5 of Total Bed Rest. I’ve been living on the BRAT* diet for the past 5 days, excepting an unfortunate foray into the world of salad.

*BRAT – bananas, rice, apples and toast. Mostly toast.

I’m bored senseless. I’m an absolutely awful patient. Unless I’m so sick that all I can do is sleep, I just keep trying to do stuff which only makes me worse. Poor Jesse was about ready to tear his hair out on Tuesday. He was threatening to tie me to cement blocks so I’d actually sit still long enough to heal. Then when I did do too much, I very nearly triggered the bleeding (trust me, when horrible stabbing pains start in your stomach, it’s time to lie down).

I’m also a very paranoid patient. I don’t whine, or cry. I just get really, really needy. I need to be reassured almost every 30 seconds that I’m still loved and it’s okay that I’m sick and stuck in bed and can’t do anything. I don’t do well being dependent on someone else for things like oh…practically everything. Tea. Food. Whatever.

What does all of this mean at the end of the day? I’m a real bear when I’m sick. Especially for the people closest to me (uhhh, sorry Jesse.)

I think I’m pretty much out of the danger zone at this point. I think a few more days of bed rest and eating the world’s most boring food (the delicious homemade apple sauce from my friend Lauren aside) and I should be able to get back to normal – or at least be able to get back to art. My creativity is the first thing to suffer when I get sick and the last thing I want to be dealing with is toxic paints.

In other, far more depressing news, despite playing countless games of solitaire this week – I still suck.

But I definitely need to make some changes – some to my diet (although it’s not like I eat terribly) but I think most of the changes will be lifestyle. I need to reduce my stress levels, although that’s considerably easier said than done. Everyone stresses – some of us more than others, I’ll admit, but everyone gets stressed out. It’s human nature. I just need to reduce the amount that I’m stressing out.

So things like mandatory daily meditation will be introduced. Yoga, at least 4 times a week. Walks. Clocking no more than 8 hours a day. Going to bed reasonably early. Taking regular breaks. Breathing. Like all the time.

And mostly remembering that everything is going to be okay. And that I’m okay. And that we’re all okay. The sky is not going to fall, it’s okay for me to not have my life “together”. Life is a journey and all that jazz.

It’s funny, but I don’t even consider myself a highly stressed out person. I mean, it’s not like I’m some highly strung business woman who screams at you if her coffee is 2 seconds late. On the other hand, clearly my body disagrees.

Yet I do  feel the pressure a lot – you know, the pressure to be an “adult”.  Although the more adults I meet, the more I think the whole thing is a facade constructed by parents to make their kids feel guilty. I suppose that technically I’m an adult as well but I don’t feel like one. Not sure if I ever will.

Anyways the point of this ramble is – I’m alive, I’m healing, and with any luck, I’ll never have to deal with this problem again.