This is it. Today’s the day. My tuition is due by the end of the day, and as the fancy pink graphic below shows, I’m just $363 from my goal. BAM! That feels good. As I wrote the other day, I’ve been working hard to make sure that my journey is one of love, not fear – that my actions are always rooted in love of myself and … [Read more...] about The last stand: $363, love, fear and baby steps
I am 3 days and $900 away from paying my tuition + rent to return to France. Of the total almost $7000 I thought I’d have to pay, having $900 left feels like something akin to a miracle. Between scholarships, sponsorships and generous donations, I am thisclose to officially being able to start my journey. The most beautiful and magical part … [Read more...] about A journey of love, not fear.
This has been one huge, crazy, scary year. It’s been amazing and terrifying and difficult all at the same time. I have had moments of blissful joy and moments of gut-wrenching sadness. I have grieved. I have dreamed. I have worked, hard, for what I want. And now as the year wraps up, I’m cranky. Really cranky. I know, right? What is up … [Read more...] about Time to assimilate 2011
"...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the … [Read more...] about “Live the questions.”
I am exceptionally good at freaking myself out. One morning, I sat down and calculated the cost of my returning to France next year to continue studying. As I'd suspected, it's around $20,000. Ay carumba. All those zeros still freak me out. And while it's not that much considering the quality of education I'll be receiving, it's still a … [Read more...] about Sometimes, smaller is better.
Yesterday was a somewhat stressful day for me. I had to write an essay for a scholarship for France and I was digging my heels in big time - turns out, I don't like describing my goals and dreams to a complete stranger and then having those goals and dreams be judged as to whether they're worth money or not. So eventually I finished it, with … [Read more...] about How to not beat yourself into happiness.
There's a lot of talk on the internet about finding your passion and turning that into a business. Obviously I think this is great, since I did it. But sometimes it can be misleading. Passion experts & self help gurus talk about finding the thing that makes you leap out of bed every morning, excited and ready to take on the … [Read more...] about What no one ever tells you about creative passion
The day I was accepted into Studio Escalier in France, I applied for the Elizabeth Greenshields award. It's a $12,500 grant awarded to realist artists for various reasons. I was hoping to use money to offset the majority of my costs this summer. Yesterday, I received a note informing me that I hadn't been successful. In a way, I knew I … [Read more...] about A Knight In Shining Armour
I'm kind of glad January is almost over. It's not that it hasn't been amazing and fabulous. It's just been...a lot. A lot of scary. A whole helluva lot of stretching. Stretching past fear, past self-imposed limitations, past my ideas of what is possible or not. On December 24th, in "The Crisis is Over" I wrote about the kind of year I was … [Read more...] about Stretching: It’s now my full-time job.
I haven't posted in a few days because I've been having a meltdown a few fears. January 5th is fast approaching. That's the day I'm informed whether I've been accepted into the program in France or not. Quite frankly (and surprisingly), I'm not worried about that part. It's totally out of my hands, so there is absolutely no point in thinking … [Read more...] about Dealing with money overwhelm
Today's hug is for the parts of you that know you have something to share with the world, but really struggle to do it. Maybe you're scared of promoting yourself. Maybe you're scared of asking for the money. Maybe you're scared of doing the thing itself - starting the blog, starting the painting, starting the song. Picking up the guitar, the … [Read more...] about The Sunday Hug: Doing the things that scare you
It's been a long month. I'm still not sure if I'm ready to write this, ready to be here. I feel raw, vulnerable. Putting my Self, my words out in the world right now - it's scary. There's a hard knot in the pit of my stomach that only wants us to keep on hiding. I can't though. There's life outside and I'm feeling the urge to participate again, … [Read more...] about Reclaiming.
So on Friday, I announced that I'm doing a thing - a live painting marathon and auction. Which on the one hand, I'm totally excited for. And on the other hand - oh my god. So nervous!It's just triggered all of my fears and all of my monsters.Self promotionIt kinda makes me want to throw up. Even those words - the promotion of my self. Ick. Ew. … [Read more...] about The Self Promotion Monsters