Good bye. I can’t find you, Dearest love, Where have you gone? Hidden away Behind some great Rock, Smirking, smug at Your clever camouflage. Mocking, taunting With your cries of Caring. You don’t care. And I know it. But I believe you anyway, Because I want to. I want to pretend That somebody cares. But [...]
Dear God. Let me disappear. Please, dear God, please. Let me evaporate And become nothing. Let me be empty, Painless, Invisible, Weightless, Dead. I didn’t choose this life, This body, This nightmare. So let it be over. And let me sleep. Don’t make me do this, God. I’ll do it. I swear to God, I’ll [...]
Overwhelming sadness this morning. It sits on my chest, like a heaviness over my heart. Lots of stuff coming out. One shift triggers another, which triggers another. It’s like playing a painful game of dominoes, except my heart is what’s being crushed at the end. It’s too much. I’m finding it very difficult to face [...]
The name “Happy Hour Fridays” is starting to get morbidly ironic now. It’s almost ridiculous. Alright, let’s get a rundown of this week. Another big realization Because it seems like I can’t go a day without having one. My big thing, my big trigger, is shame. I mean, I kind of knew that, part of [...]
Okay so I’m in the mood for a bit of Bob ranting today. I guess ’cause this one is more painful than most, and I’m hoping that if I say it aloud (or type it, as it were), some of the shame will disappear, and it might lose some of its power. Bob is a [...]
This whole “writing my morning pages” stuff is getting kind of heavy. Its bringing up so much…ugh. Junk. Stuff I’d seriously rather not think about. Except I know that when I’m not thinking about it, its actually deeply affecting me. Today’s exercise was excavating core negative beliefs. Holy crap, do I ever have some of [...]
When I posted earlier, I was lying. I did have something very specific on my mind, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to blog about it. In fact, I was trying to ignore it and pretend it didn’t matter. But I was failing miserably at it, so here I am, back again. Lately, my [...]
This morning, I have run out of patience with myself. I am tired of hearing myself say I’m stuck. I don’t want to be stuck anymore. I don’t want to talk about being stuck anymore. I just want to be un-stuck. And for everything to be okay again. This whole, “I feel like a frigging [...]
Okay, so the other day I was talking about how I want to expand, and create a secondary business, doing email coaching with people with CFS, and help them work through their emotional issues, because, you know, been there, done that. Except this new idea of mine, although I’m excited about it, is also bringing [...]
