Rambling.

Hello writer’s block. Again. You know, one of these days, I’ll be able to write a post without spending the first five minutes staring at the screen going, Duhhhh.

I’ll let you know when that happens. We’ll all drink champagne together. My treat.

I’m not entirely sure what this post is going to be about. Maybe you’ll be able to make sense of it. I’ve just got a million thoughts rushing around my head, and I’ll be damned if any of them want to be pinned down. So this could end up being a stream of consciousness ramble.

One thing that I’m loving right now

Yesterday, by total accident, I landed on Ken Robert’s site, Mildly Creative. I am in love. I actually haven’t even read any of the posts yet, but I read his about page, and his Mild Manifesto and wanted to hug him.

Look at this:

“Perhaps you’ve imagined, as I have, churning out ideas at a feverish pace, breaking new ground in unchartered territories of human thought, and producing piles and piles of powerhouse material. You want to be wildly creative like a mad genius high on paint fumes[...]“

Story of my life. I actually daydream about the day when I’ll suddenly be able to churn out pieces of art at a breakneck pace. I’m like a female version of Picasso in my head, seized by this feverish creativity, working night and day.

But in all honesty, that’s just not possible for a variety of reasons. First off, physically, I can’t do that. Second, creatively, it’s the fastest way to burn out.

I love Ken’s ideas of being mildly creative. Of exploring interesting ideas, creating in small chunks, expressing yourself, but with no pressure to create your masterpiece.

I’ve always thought that I’d be a better, more true artist if I could paint for 6 hours at a time, every single day. And I’ve done it, but the thought of doing that all over again? Terrifying. The idea of creating for an hour, or two, sounds so much more manageable, so much less exhausting. Let’s face it – I am not a marathon runner, in any way shape or form.

His idea of creativity sounds so much gentler than what I always thought I had to do. I don’t feel like I have to whip myself into shape – I just get to play and have fun.

One thing that I’m hating right now

I just seem to have this constant sense of frustration floating around. I can’t seem to put my finger on it. When I go out, I’m great because I have things to distract me. I can spend 20 minutes wandering around the funky gift shop or the furniture store that makes me drool.

But the second I get back home? It’s like everything comes rushing down on me again. I don’t even know specifically what is frustrating me, only that I’m frustrated. Antsy. Irritable. Unimpressed with myself, my art, my clothes, my hair. Whatever.

I want to sit and eat cookies all day. Maybe while drinking Baileys.

Yeah, something’s gotta change. I can’t keep going like this. If I do I’m either going to end up losing my temper and breaking things, getting drunk, or doing both at the same time. I’d like to avoid all three.

So once I hit post on this, I’m going to spend some time getting to know the frustration. Maybe we’ll be able to talk it out, ya know? Find some common ground, agree on a plan of action. Who knows.

All I do know is that feeling like this is seriously incapacitating my ability to function properly or get anything productive done.

And that’s it for today.

I only hope you can make more sense of this post than I could.

Tags: frustration, mildly creative, stream of consciousness