I’ve been attempting to write a post for the past  2 days. I open up the page, stare at it for 30 seconds, and then promptly go do something else. I have a bad habit of multitasking whenever my brain gets stuck, which probably results in more brain stuck, considering its been two days and I still haven’t written anything.

I’ve actually run out of reasonable things to do, so here I am. Writing.

Still not entirely sure how I feel. I’m still empty, but since I’m no longer attempting to do anything requiring any kind of energy, I’m not noticing as much. However, the thought of trying to do something requiring such energy makes me want to burst into tears. (Oh! My brain just gave me something we could be doing instead of writing this. But for mindfulness’ sake, I’m going to attempt to finish this thing.)

So, life.

You know, I really thought that this whole cocooning thing would be harder. That my brain would be freaking out the whole time, telling me that we need to work or we’re going to die of starvation because we won’t be able to afford anything because we’re not working.

As it turns out, I’m so tired, even that part of my brain has shut up.

This whole consciously not really doing anything thing is actually coming pretty easily. I’m rather astonished. I’m not exactly the epitome of grace, and I’m not saying that any of this is happening gracefully, but it’s happening with more grace than I could expect.

Less temper tantrums than I thought there’d be. Less meltdowns wondering where the money’s going to come from. Mostly just lots of walking and sitting next to the water.

Which brings me to my next point

If one has to have a complete meltdown anywhere in the world, one should probably do it next to the ocean. Preferably within walking distance of the ocean.

Despite all the sad and the empty that I’m feeling, I am eternally grateful that this is happening where it is. I could not ask for a prettier, more wonderful place to take a mental vacation.

First off, fall is starting. And I love fall. And fall here is especially pretty and wonderful. It’s all warm days, and cool nights with lots of sunshine and sea breezes. Come on, how could you not love that? And it makes all the pretty brick and clapboard houses look even more quaint and charming.

Yep. Heaven in my books. Absolute heaven.

So slowly, things are getting better

The lack of pressure that I’m putting on myself is helping the most. It’s when I get all wrapped up in needing to do everything by yesterday that I just lose all connection with myself. Laying off and giving myself time to pace, time to rest and time to recuperate is really helping.

Ironically, my cocooning is about giving myself more space. Ha. Who woulda guessed?

This week, I might try and get back on the creative horse again with sketches, dabbling and doodles. I have this overwhelming urge to get gigantic pieces of paper, tape them to the walls and go nuts. I don’t know if I have pieces of paper big enough, but even if I get a bunch and tape them together, it could have the same effect…

But again, I’m not going to force it. If I feel so inclined, yeah, I’ll go do it. But if my body is yelling, no! Go sleep! Then sleep I will.

We’ll just see how things go.