So yesterday, we talked about old patterns and feeling like a burden. Today, we’re going to talk about creating some space, shifting and moving forward.

Creating space – literally

Obviously, none of you have seen my room (unless of course, you’re one of the few people from my “real life” who reads this blog).

Let me try to describe to you my room – it’s like living in a tin of sardines crowded. It’s 9′x11′, and it’s got two desks, a night table, a bed, a dresser, and a piano in it. It’s also currently covered in piles of paper, notes, sketchbooks, paints, brushes, make up, CD’s and pillows.

Notice that there’s not a whole lot of room for me in there.

Oh and I got a new easel this Sunday for my birthday (she squealed with excitement) except the only problem is….it’s huge. Which is what I wanted, because now I can paint gigantic paintings. But there is absolutely no room left, so right now, it’s just sitting in the middle of the room being used as storage. Not exactly effective.

And for the record, I’d like to note that I’m a neat freak. This is driving me nuts. The energy in the room feels dead, lifeless, stale. I barely even go in there anymore because it’s just so overwhelming. I can’t face it. Something needs to change.

I think we need a purging. Think the Spanish Inquisition for bedrooms. There shall be a reckoning my friends. Oh yes, there will.

Self care

One of the things that I am most bestest at in the whole wide world is ignoring myself and my needs. Seriously. I’m like a genius at it. So I’m going to start learning to take care of myself by instating a self care regimen.

Every morning, when I get up, I’ll spend an hour alone writing. Then, yoga for half an hour, so that my body as well as my mind is taken care of. After that, writing here for an hour, and then the web design work to keep me in canvas.

But from now on, there is a strict no web design/internet after 1:30pm. And on busy days, not after 2pm. The rest of my day will be dedicated to creativity.

First, meditation for 15 minutes – after doing work for other people (as much as I love my clients) I need to sit down and recenter myself. Then some play time – doodling for half an hour or so, dancing around to loud music, and just generally being 5 years old.

After that, hours of creativity stretch ahead of me. Time for me. Time for enjoyment and creation and a celebration of life.

Slowly, day by day, I hope to stretch that creative time from a few hours, to many, many more.

Money! My favourite.

Another area that I need to do some purging and create some space is in finances. Ohh finances. How you make me shake with fear.

I want to sit down and go through my money. I need to sort through it, figure out how much I have going out and just how terrifyingly little I have coming in. I’m scared to do it, because I’m afraid it might be hopeless.

Part of my brain is yelling, “No! You can’t do this! If you actually look at those numbers, you’ll be broke forever!” Which makes absolutely no sense. My fear seems to equate knowledge of finances with the end of time. Seriously. It thinks that if I crunch those numbers and figure out exactly where I stand, it’s going to trigger the Apocalypse.

The fear doesn’t want me to know about my money, because what it’s really afraid of is that I’ll start to make more money, that I’ll start to take care of myself in every way. It doesn’t like that – it thinks that it’s wrong, that terrible things will happen.

They won’t. The fear is wrong. Again, this is about pushing away the foggy clouds of mystery, and shining a light on what’s really happening in my wallet. It’s about creating more space for me to live and breathe in.

All of this is about happiness

This is about creating the life that I want. This is about creating a life that makes me jump out of bed every day because I am so excited to be alive.

This is about learning to live my life for me again.

Yesterday I went for coffee with Chris Pew to discuss my lessons. I walked to the local mall, to meet him at the Timmies there. Walking along the sidewalk in the sunshine, I have never felt so joyous. My heart was light, and I was smiling and happy. There was a space inside, a space of healing and love and tenderness.

My life felt like it had softened. I never want this feeling to end. Today, my heart still feels full of life and light. I am loving the whole damn world today.

Sure, I’ve still got some work to do, some healing left, but it’s like the fissures in my soul are closing back up. It’s like the chasm between myself and the face I show the world is getting smaller and more of myself is coming through.

Welcome to my new life. I hope you all have a glorious time here.