Some stuff went down yesterday, stuff that threatened my dreams. I want to move out in a few months with my boyfriend, but we’re running into money troubles. You know, the economy and stuff (i.e. The Apocalypse).

It was suggested that maybe we wouldn’t be able to leave, that there wasn’t enough money, that there weren’t enough jobs, that there just wasn’t enough, period.

I’m sorry, but if you think that at this point in my life I’m going to let something like money stop me from doing what I want, then you’ve seriously underestimated the power of my stubbornness.

I have been to hell and back in the last 8 years. I’ve had life throw me almost every curve ball it could. Life has beaten me down to within an inch of my life. I’m sure as hell not letting something like the economy stop me now.

I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever give up. End of story. I don’t care what kind of excuses you give me, what kind of reasons for my failure, anything, it doesn’t matter. I’m not budging. This is the life that I want, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get it.

I will work night and day. I’ll stop sleeping. I’ll only pee on a schedule. Whatever.

I chose this life with my eyes wide open. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy. I knew that I’d be fully responsible for myself. I knew that it was never going to be a life of conventionality, and that it was going to twist and turn, and maybe throw me on my head sometimes.

But I have not regretted one single day since I made that choice. I have never woken up and thought, Gosh, I’d probably be so much happier if I just worked in a cubicle.

I’ve never regretted having no money. Oh, I’ve been worried and terrified, don’t get me wrong. But regret has never come into it.

This life fills me up, the way nothing else ever could. Even on the bad days, I’m happier than I would be working a “normal” job in an office for a corporation. I chose happiness over riches.

But that sure as hell don’t mean I won’t be rich. My life may not look like much right now, but I believe in myself. I don’t give a damn if the rest of the world thinks I’m crazy and headed for trouble, I believe that I’m going to be okay.

I don’t think I’m going to be broke forever. I don’t even think I’m going to be broke for that much longer. Things are shifting in my life at a most startling rate, and what may be true right now may no longer be true a week from now. Maybe even 5 minutes from now.

But the last thing in the world that I’m doing now is backing down. I’m not giving up on my dreams. I’m not going to go running back to conventionality and get a normal job. I’m just not budging. I’m too damn stubborn.

I’m going to fight for what I want. I’ve been fighting for 8 long years, and half the time against myself. I’ve spent 8 years fighting the urge to become something bigger, to let my own light shine. Well now that I’ve finally stopped fighting myself, I’ve got lots of extra energy.

Now, I’ll be fighting hopelessness and desperation. I’ll be fighting negativity and pessimism. I’ll be fighting for dreams worth living and hopes worth saving. I’m armed with a bat and pom poms and I am unstoppable. (Diane knows what I’m talking about.)

The one thing that I believe in more intensely than anything else is everyone’s right to live their dreams and to be happy. I’ve spent so long being told by almost everyone around me that my life was over, and that it was practically a write off in terms of meaning and joy. My only wish is that no one else ever has to feel that way.

So I’m not giving up. I obviously can’t fix other peoples lives for them (oh for a magic wand that produced bubbles and healed pains), but I can live as an example. I can continue to push for what I want, and to stubbornly say no to a small and miserable life.

I will succeed. I will never back down. And goddammit, I will be happy.

So who’s with me?