Well there’s nothing like some serious pain and internal bleeding to make you realize something needs to change.

Almost 2 weeks ago now (omg, has it really been that long?) I began getting sharp pains in my stomach, and symptoms similar to a stomach flu. I thought that maybe I’d eaten something funny, maybe picked up something at work.

That is until the bleeding started. I’ll pretty much leave it at that, but it was the most terrifying 24 hours of my life, until it finally stopped, leaving me exhausted and still in pain.

Turns out, I probably have an ulcer (we just won’t talk about the fact that I told my doctor my symptoms over 18 months ago). But it’s made me realize that some things are going to need to change.

First up? I can’t work as much. I’d been working 20 hours a week right before this all happened and that is way, way too much for me. I was miserable and totally exhausted. All I wanted (and still do) was to quit. I have a feeling this had something to do with the ulcer pitching a fit.

I’m forcing my body to work to routines that it doesn’t like. It needs more pacing, more of the slow and steady and less of the “rush around trying to get everything done and then go to work” thing. My body is not happy. I am not happy. I have very little tolerance for being unhappy because I consider it a complete waste of life. You’re breathing – enjoy it!

I think that, more than anything, I might need a new job. Which brings up its own set of issues – I love my coworkers, and I respect my manager, but I feel like I’m wasting myself at this job. I’m smart, creative, talented! And I’m making smoothies and talking to people about their bowel movements. It doesn’t exactly seem like the best use of my skills.

So as a first step towards rectifying this whole situation…a personal ad for a job that doesn’t suck.

Bright, intelligent, creative person seeking job where she’s actually useful

What I’m looking for:

A job that is absolutely no more than 15 hours a week. Preferably 10. But you pay well – $15 an hour. I don’t care if I work in a team environment or one-on-one. Maybe I’m your assistant a few hours a week. Maybe you need someone to help you strategize and keep you on track. Maybe you just need someone to file things, keep your office organized, and help you develop systems. Maybe you just need someone to type for you, make your stuff look pretty – I don’t know. But I get to be helpful, and my skills and intelligence are really valued. And it will be fun. It will be something where I will be in my prime and can make lists and be ridiculously anal and detail oriented, as well as keep an eye on the big picture.

Hopefully you’ll be creative, fun, goofy and quirky too, and we’ll get along great. Maybe you’re here in town, or maybe I do all this virtually – I’d be happy either way. You won’t care that I didn’t go to university, and you respect the skills that I’ve picked up at the School of Hard Knocks.

What I commit to: Giving the job my all and earning every cent you pay me. I promise I’ll be fun to work with, easy going, dependable, reliable, and timely. I also don’t need to be fussed over – give me instructions and away I’ll go to get it done. I promise I will be smart, creative, and helpful and you will never regret hiring me.

How This Could Happen:

- the job could show up on the job bank, kijiji.ca, in the paper, or other sites online
- it could happen through word of mouth
- magic? Coincidence? Synchronicity? Who knows.
- Another way that I can’t even think of right now.

And that’s it.

Hopefully this thing will turn up soon, before work ing at my current job turns my body into jello. If you happen to know where my perfect job is hiding, please don’t hesitate to pipe up and let me know. And if you’re the person who needs what I’m offering – well, hurrah!

Welcome to one artist's odyssey

On May 21st, I'm going on a quest. A quest for art, for meaning, for beauty, for truth. I'm picking up my life, packing up a suitcase and heading to rural France to live, paint and study art for the next 18 months.

Click here to find out how you can stowaway in my suitcase and join in the adventure!