Living in limbo

A Streetlight in France, 10"x12" oil on canvas, unframed, $275. © Sarah Marie Lacy, 2012

A Streetlight in France, 10"x12" oil on canvas, unframed, $275. © Sarah Marie Lacy, 2012

In just over 2 weeks, I leave for France. Right now, I’m home with my family in Niagara, Ontario, spending time with them before I leave.

I’m a little bit shell-shocked. Adaptability is not something I’m especially good at (Change?! What?!) and I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that I no longer live in Charlottetown and am back in my hometown and temporarily living with my parents. And that I’m moving to…France. Again.

Somebody pinch me.

I’ve been wandering around in a daze for a week, trying to adapt to the slight-but-constant-chaos that is living at home with your family again. All of my routines are gone – my easel is packed away (I’m going into withdrawal), I don’t have my own workspace, and there’s very rarely just me, alone with my thoughts.

It’s harder than I’d expected it to be. And it’s not that I’m unhappy – I love my family, and seeing them again is wonderful – but there are unexpected challenges. Not to mention that it’s family, the people who simultaneously love you and trigger you the most.

I’ve suddenly come to understand the title of the comic strip, Family Circus.

And time keeps pushing forward and France looms closer and closer.

I keep thinking there’s quite a bit left to be done and yet there’s almost nothing at all. All of my art supplies are ready and waiting. I picked up a few final things yesterday. We won’t pack until a few days before, although we both have a pretty good idea of what we’ll be bringing.

We have to order some euros, and buy travel insurance. We both bought good walking shoes. There are more rounds of visits to make and farewells to say.

The only thing really left to do is to raise the final $6000 for tuition and living expenses. I find out in a week whether I was accepted into the 6 week autumn program and if I’ve received any scholarship money. The tuition is due the day before my flight on May 21.

I’m nervous, naturally. This will be the largest financial undertaking in the shortest amount of time so far.

But I am absolutely determined to make this work, no matter what. I’m just a normal gal, trying to make a rather extraordinary dream come true. I believe in the work that I want to make. I believe that it’s worth the effort, the dedication, and the cost. I believe that it’s worth investing in.

So I will continue to invest all of my time and all of my money into making the best work that I possibly can. It’s where I feel called. It’s where I can make a difference in the world.

And by putting one foot before the other, one step at a time, I will get there.