I’m sitting in my new living room, listening to the wind and snow rage outside.

I woke up wearing my insecure pants. They’ve been on a lot lately. I think it has something to do with February. I’m counting down the days until March, when spring starts to whisper it’s promise of warmer days and new growth. Plus, it’s my birthday, so of course I’m looking forward to it.

I finally have internet back again. Only took 2 weeks of frustration and spending a lot of time at the mall, trying to launch client’s websites.

I miss painting though. I have a bunch of paintings I need to finish for May, and I’m spending a lot of my time doing web design. That needs to end. I want to get back to what I really love, what makes me really happy. I think I’ll be less cranky when I’m creating more, and doing less techy stuff.

My new place is wonderful, and I couldn’t ask for anywhere better. I’ll have pictures soon, I promise.

Things feel hard though, and my insecure, cranky pants aren’t making that any better. Things are tough financially, with Jesse starting school, his hours getting cut at work and the student line of credit taking an exceptionally long time to come through. I’m longing for stability, for knowing that we’ll make it through the end of the month okay, and that maybe I’ll actually get my maxed-out credit card paid off at some point in the near future. I want to eat something aside from mac and cheese.

I guess that I could go get a second job – wait, let’s make that a 4th job. Technically, I’ve got 3 to juggle as it is. But I don’t want to go back to working 18 hours a day. We all know what happened last time. And I did find my perfect job, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that my financial situation has changed drastically since then. What I needed then is not what I need now.

So I’m feeling scared, which is making me feel insecure, which is making me feel cranky.

And so I don’t really want to do anything today except hide under the covers, read Daphne du Maurier and drink hot chocolate.

But there’s work to be done – a commission to finish, websites to set up, plans to be made. I don’t have the luxury of hiding today. Wish I did though. Really wish I did.

Welcome to one artist's odyssey

On May 21st, I'm going on a quest. A quest for art, for meaning, for beauty, for truth. I'm picking up my life, packing up a suitcase and heading to rural France to live, paint and study art for the next 18 months.

Click here to find out how you can stowaway in my suitcase and join in the adventure!