I haven’t posted in a few days because I’ve been having a meltdown a few fears. January 5th is fast approaching. That’s the day I’m informed whether I’ve been accepted into the program in France or not. Quite frankly (and surprisingly), I’m not worried about that part. It’s totally out of my hands, so there [...]
Category Archives: Fear
Symbolism, Sieges & Sneak Peaks
November 3, 2010 – 8:35 am
I’ve been having a hard time the past few days. It’ seems to be hitting me in phases that I could be spending 3 months in France next year. Doing this, applying for this program – it’s hard creatively, but more than anything, it’s doing my head in. This is a big goal. This is [...]
There Are No Specialness Fairies (or “Why you can live the life you want”)
October 22, 2010 – 7:42 am
Lately, I’ve been having the same conversation again and again. For some reason, some people who know me think that I’m special. That I have some kind of superpower, or luxury, or something, that has made it possible for me to live my life on my own terms. That somehow, the Specialness Fairies have decided [...]
Helping Hannah Dance, part 2.
August 17, 2010 – 9:08 am
First, can we get some celebratory champagne here? We have raised $1061.84 which is the cost of Hannah’s dance classes. We are sending the registration form today. Hannah is going back to dance. She is going back to dance. Which is awesome and amazing and so many wonderful things. And Hannah is excited. She is [...]
Maintaining perspective
July 21, 2010 – 6:10 pm
I woke up feeling anxious today. I hurt my foot last night, which didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was worrying about. Raising the money for Hannah. It’s about 6 days in, which I know isn’t a long time. But the initial flurry of activity has slowed down. We raised the first $500 [...]
The Self Promotion Monsters
April 18, 2010 – 12:22 pm
So on Friday, I announced that I’m doing a thing – a live painting marathon and auction. Which on the one hand, I’m totally excited for. And on the other hand – oh my god. So nervous! It’s just triggered all of my fears and all of my monsters. Self promotion It kinda makes me [...]
Creative Self Doubt
March 9, 2010 – 3:11 pm
Painful, racking self doubt today. The crippling kind that makes you question whether your art even has any value at all. The kind that is so hard to refute, so hard to argue with because it’s so damn logical. I think this is just one of those creative job hazards – when you’re making it [...]
The Resistance
March 3, 2010 – 12:42 pm
Fear. You don’t think about it constantly controlling your day to day life, do you? Or maybe you do, I don’t know. I know I can get pretty freaked out in certain situations, but I never really thought about fear controlling my entire life. I’m slowly discovering that it does. It makes a lot of [...]
Insecure Pants
February 17, 2010 – 7:45 am
I’m sitting in my new living room, listening to the wind and snow rage outside. I woke up wearing my insecure pants. They’ve been on a lot lately. I think it has something to do with February. I’m counting down the days until March, when spring starts to whisper it’s promise of warmer days and [...]
Overwhelmed by overwhelm?
January 11, 2010 – 5:30 pm
The past 24 hours have been kind of nuts. Just one of those days where everything happens at once and new things come up and you need to re-evaluate because where you thought you were going has disappeared and you need to formulate a new plan. Cool. I’m down with the doing things – I [...]
