I'm applying for my first Canada Council arts grant today. It's been anything but fun. (Turns out, I would rather have my nails pulled out than write grant essays. I am assuming this feeling lessens with practice.) It's an equity/disability travel grant and I'm hoping it will offset some of the costs of the Paris program coming up in January. … [Read more...] about Sometimes the hard part is where all of the best things are.
Coping With Chronic Illness
Today is International ME/CFS Awareness Day. I’ve written a lot about my experiences living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed at 12, and the first 5 years were the toughest of my life. Back in 2010, I wrote another post for ME/CFS Awareness Day about how art helped me find purpose in my life and gave me a reason … [Read more...] about ME/CFS Awareness Day: 11 things of gratitude for 11 years of illness
I’ve spent most of this year flip-flopping between 2 states of mind. In the first state of mind, I am strong, confident, powerful, and focused. Everything goes swimmingly. Jobs show up, paintings practically sell themselves, and my voice is clear and strong. The words that I want to share flow freely from my fingertips. I know that my actions … [Read more...] about Between the strong and the small
Eleven years ago today, I got sick. The emotional effects didn’t hit me till weeks later, but today was the day it started – 11pm at night, suddenly awake and feeling ill. And then that feeling just never going away. It’s been a long road to the place where I am now. Last year felt monumental – a whole decade. Christ, I thought, that’s a long … [Read more...] about An anniversary, remembering and moving forward
On Monday, I was featured in an article in our local paper, the Guardian. (You can read it here.) It talks about my journey from being very ill, to creating a life for myself that I love. It's a great piece and the reporter, Mary MacKay, really captures my voice and my energy. I've had some wonderful, positive feedback from it, but I've had a … [Read more...] about I may be “disabled” but I’m sure as heck no victim.
I was writing a letter to my email list this morning, telling them about the ways they can help me go to France and how I'll be donating a portion of the proceeds to the Creative Spirit Art Centre and trying to explain why that's important to me. I realized though that none of you knew me 5 years ago. You don't truly get how f***ing awesome it … [Read more...] about Why you should never, ever give up.
I am, occasionally, accused of working too much (usually by well-meaning friends). It's probably true. I work a lot. Longer than 8 hour days, by far. Probably closer to 10-12. But it doesn't usually feel like work to me. This is what I'd be doing for fun if I had a cubicle job. This is what I would choose to do over almost every other activity. I … [Read more...] about Mine.
This week has been fantastic as far as studio time goes. I am back on a creative roll! I just kept finding that flow. I contribute a lot of that to the Dance of Shiva. It just gets my brain all wired up for creativity. But the most important thing I did to go from 2 hours a week in the studio, to over 16 hours over 4 days? Prioritized. Sounds so … [Read more...] about I’m back in the studio, baby!
Recently, I was afraid someone was going to prevent me from participating in something because of my CFS. In the end, the decision was left up to me, but it pushed all of my buttons. It was like I imploded. Something inside collapsed, and all I could feel was sad, discouraged, listless. Sometimes I forget that I even have CFS. I'm so used to it, … [Read more...] about Remembering myself
I woke up this morning, early. It happens sometimes when my sleep is drug induced - I was in so much pain yesterday I had to take sleeping pills last night to get any kind of relief.I pottered around for a few hours, did some web design work and then wandered into the living room to look out the bay window, see if anything interesting was … [Read more...] about Painting the roses, healing my soul
Well, my stomach finally seems to be healing. Between the trifecta of omeprazole, the probiotics and the digestive enzymes, as well as a carefully monitored diet, it should have all the help it needs to start setting itself to rights again.My body, on the other hand, has been left in a much worse state. I am exhausted. Like sleep for 9 hours and … [Read more...] about Just keep on plodding.
Ughhhh, hungryyyy.Welcome to Day 5 of Total Bed Rest. I've been living on the BRAT* diet for the past 5 days, excepting an unfortunate foray into the world of salad.*BRAT - bananas, rice, apples and toast. Mostly toast.I'm bored senseless. I'm an absolutely awful patient. Unless I'm so sick that all I can do is sleep, I just keep trying to do stuff … [Read more...] about The tummy troubles are almost over
Dear Stomach,We don't seem to be getting along right now, do we? You've been kinda hurt-ey since February, and trying to get my attention with some small aches and pains and I wasn't a very good owner, and I ignored you. I kept putting off going back to the doctor and getting more of the nice stomach pills he gave us.I'm so sorry, Stomach. I … [Read more...] about A Letter to My Stomach