A Letter From My Fear

Dear Self,

We haven’t spoken in a while. I don’t know if we’ve ever spoken in fact. Let me introduce myself.

I am your fear.

We need to talk. I need some things from you – I need you to hear me, to see me, to listen to me.

I am so afraid. I am so afraid of standing tall and proud and letting my light shine.

What if the world sees me? What if it laughs? Worse yet, what if it crushes me?

Can I ask a favor of you, Self?

Can you just let me be completely terrified? Can you just let me be scared, and in pain and hurting? These last years have been so hard. I am so afraid that the world will crash all over again the second I set foot outside these walls. That’s why I built them. To keep us safe. Because I love you, and want to protect you, and don’t want you to come to any harm

And it’s scary out there.

I know you want me to get over all this stuck and move on and be daring and adventurous and courageous, so that we can go out and have this awesome life, but for me, that’s beyond terrifying. The world might decide to run us over again.

I get that going out there and achieving our dreams is good for us, but all I can think of is how much it’s going to hurt, and how exposed and vulnerable we’re going to be.

That possibility is just too much. I need you to be nice to me, to comfort me, to just let me be afraid, because right now, I am completely freaking out.

I am afraid of good things because they can be taken away. And more loss, more losing, scares me a whole lot. I don’t want to lose anything else, because I’ve lost so much already. I couldn’t handle losing even one more thing.

So I’m asking you for patience. I’m asking you for kindness. I’m asking you for comfort, and to be held. I don’t want to be beaten with thoughts of happiness and positive thinking. I want you to hear me.

I want to be loved. I want to be listened to. I want you to know that I’m only trying to protect you, not hurt you. I’m asking you to please not toss me aside again, like a used and dirty rag. I’m asking you to respect me, and honor me. I only want you to stop pushing me away, because this only makes me more scared.

I need you to let me be afraid. I need you to let me be scared. I can’t make all this fear go away. And I need you to be okay with that.

I need you to let me into your heart, to hold me close and whisper words of comfort in my ear. I won’t be so scared anymore if I know that you’re with me, if I know that you’re there.

Love,

Your Fear

Tags: adventure, coping with fear, courage, doubt, Fear, life, love, paranoia, risk, stuck